I was going to write more than one of these, but decided that it would be more fun to ration them out over the next few years. Also, since I'm loading you down with well over a hundred outfielders in just the National League this week, this gives everyone a bit of a break.

The First Foul Ball
(Set to "The First Noel")

The first foul ball hit out of the way
Wound up breaking a window for which we will pay;
Near fields where we play, hitting home runs,
On a bright summer's day we almost had fun.

Chorus:
Foul Ball, Foul Ball, Foul Ball, Foul Ball
Your next hit better fly over the wall

The catcher knelt and signaled for heat
Sticking one finger down to the street;
And near the earth the pitcher saw two,
And so he let go a curveball at you.

Chorus

And when you saw he had fired a deuce
You knew you could blast it back past his caboose;
You started your swing to meet the pitch,
When you were distracted by some pretty...girl

Chorus

The lady drew your glance away
Causing your bat to meet the pitch slightly sideways;
Your errant swing sent the ball too far right,
And breaking the window, it fell out of sight.

Chorus

When we heard the shout that we knew we'd hear
All we wanted to do was run home in fear;
But then we remembered the rest of our fate,
Since breaking a window makes Mom so irate.

Chorus

Tomorrow, we'll present the new Yuletide classic about the Pokey Little Shortstop.

Today's Fantasy Rx: Leave out your milk and veggies. The Easter Bunny likes those carrots and greens, and he won't leave you any candy if you don't...what? Its Christmas? Oh, never mind. Don't bother with any food since Santa will be held up for days by airline security. With his beard, foreign passport, and a bag of packages with no return address, it will be a sad morning for a lot of kids.

Just remember: every time Jay Bell sings, Mo Vaughn orders hot wings...or something like that.